CRAZY TOWN - Napoli, Italy

So, I’m writing this post about 36 hours AFTER the experience of driving in Napoli (Naples, for those of you that aren’t familiar with its Italian name). Thankfully, I’ve had a LOT of alcohol this evening and can find the humor in it all – but truly – I don’t know how we got out of Naples without a single “ding” to the rental car . . or a visit to the emergency room. .or the morgue!

These people are CRAZY! I’m not talking on the scale of a little risky or aggressive – I mean 100%, certifiable CRAZY. These people don’t drive – THEY ASSERT!

So after a VERY pleasant experience with AutoEurope and an upgrade to a nice, new car – we easily find our way out of Rome Airport and begin our journey south. While we’re on the autostrada, it’s still beautiful with the green of Spring blooming everywhere & loads of mountain ranges framing the drive. The GPS says we’ll be there around 1:45pm and we’re cruising along. We are warned by the GPS of speed cameras and slowdown at appropriate points to avoid tickets. ALL GOOD! We manage to figure out the ticket “road toll” machines (which seem to keep popping up with requests for money) and even stopped for water at one of the really nice servico (rest stops) stations.

All of a sudden, we’re taking the turnoff to Napoli Centrale. We hit a ticket booth and struggle with payment, then the real fun begins. We merge onto a major city street that is brimming with cars going very fast. There are really no lane markers and people are just driving wherever they feel like it – sometimes, right at my tail – sometimes, 2 inches from my side fenders and doors. But what really FREAKS ME OUT every time I look in a mirror – is there are vespas coming at me from every direction! Weaving, cutting me off, barely missing me as they change lanes, darting between stopped cars, making U-turns through the small openings in the cement barriers that separate the direction lanes. Add the pedestrians that are crossing the streets, at random, from every direction and it feels like you’re in a car wash with fire hoses pounding you from every direction. THESE PEOPLE ARE NUTS! My blood pressure is rising, I’m using way too many 4-ketter words and the GPS had sent us twice around the same set of streets & we still don’t know where the hotel is.

**Note to self . . . the GPS had told us it would be about 6 minutes to the hotel once we exited the autostrada and at this point, we’ve been driving around for over 50 minutes! What the f&$#?

Finally, Sherine spots the hotel down a small alley and we have to circle the same route AGAIN to get back. In the meantime, I have old men flipping me off, people openly swearing at me as I go by, and others marketing types trying hard to get me to turn into their parking garages or hotels . . all while those damn vespas are darting in & out of everywhere!

All the while, I’m dying to pee and wondering if I can hold it much longer. When we finally pull in, I send Sherine in to quickly access whether we can park in front of the hotel. When she returns with the manager, he decides we can stay inside the stanchions in front of the hotel, rather than driving further to the secure parking lot. Since I’ve insured the car for EVERYTHING and at this point could really care less if someone were to just “jack the car”, I toss him the key & tell him he can park it where he likes – cause I’m off to find a bathroom! The gal at the desk directs me to the bagno (toilette) and I must have released about 2 cups of urine. I decide the volume must be tied to stress relief . . and Sherine agrees!

Once up in the room, I tell Sherine I MUST meditate – and I do. 16 minutes later – I’m good to go!

We decide to hit the Eat, Pray, Love Pizza Place . . Pizzeria Antica de Michele and once we finally find it, we wait a few minutes to get seated. We wait another 10 minutes to order and another 20 to get our food. These guys don’t care about service – they have plenty of business and could care less if you’re happy! The pizza is good – but not the best I’ve ever had – but I did get some interesting pictures. The check finally comes after trying for 5 minutes to get our waiters attention and he tells us it’s 11 Euros with NO service – but service is up to us. Sherine hands him a 50 and he says, “if you give me a 5 too, I can give you some change”. Of course, he brings back bills and 4 one Euro coins and says, “how much for me”? We give him the 4 Euros and he gets REALLY nice – cause of course, he’s just gotten a 40+% tip from the “sucker Americans”. All good – we’re off to the museum – walking through some interesting neighborhoods along the way (this is where we found the puppies & their mama).

It’s dark when we come out of the museum, so we decide to take the metro, rather then walk back. We even stop at the marina stop to see the port at night, but after trying to find a route to the water that won’t get us killed, we decide to turn back & just return to the hotel. Getting back is definitely an exercise in programming the GPS and following its instructions – but we manage to get there after stopping for a gelato at a bar close by. All good – we’re safe & sound and Sherine’s off to bed.

I find a wonderful library & bar off of the lobby and park for the evening – checking in with Scott & email - and writing blog entries.

I finally fall into sleep only to get up around 3am and open the window to let in the cool air, as our room is stifling & hot in the humid Spring of Napoli. Strangely, all is quiet. . the CRAZY of Napoili has gone to bed too!

The church bells begin to ring at 7:30am . . . not sure what’s significant about this time of day or why they have to ring them so many times (seriously – doesn’t 30 rings seem a bit excessive?) – but I know one thing for sure – CRAZY TOWN is awake and ready to start another day!